Friday, April 28, 2006

More on fear...

I've been thinking about fear ever since I articulated how very many I have. And I've come to the conclusion (for now, nothing I conclude is ever conclusive forever) that fear is not a bad thing. Or maybe I already knew that. Did someone famous say something like that? Anyway, fear of losing them is what makes me appreciate my husband and my children. Fear of regretting how I spent my younger years is what keeps me working towards a goal - not that I know quite what that goal is yet, other than to find a goal. Fear is okay. Being paralyzed by fear is not.

I'm having a bad day. I don't know if it's because my husband is out of town or my gallbladder hurting worse than usual today or if the kids really are just that irritable, but I'm at the end of my rope. Thankfully, as I'm typing they're in pajama/toothbrushing mode. I need a break. That's why I stay up until midnight most nights - I need my downtime. Plus, I just can't fall asleep if I go to bed much sooner. Goes back to those fears - with nothing else to think about, I worry more at night and I can't separate reality from the nightmarish fears.

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