Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Too much…

I’m trying to change a lot of things in my life right now. I’m working on losing weight, getting fit and healthy and eating better. Some days this is easier than others. Some days I feel like nothing I’m doing is making a difference, so why shouldn’t I eat the entire bag of Hershey’s kisses we got for Easter?

I’m trying to step up my photography with an eye towards taking things professional. I want to get to a place where I have consistent focus, consistently well-processed images and confidence to direct my subjects at a shoot. I’m up to the last one now. And I think the only way to do it is to get in, at least up to my toes. But I’m just not confident enough to put myself out there, which begs the question – will I ever be? Will there ever come a time when I’m comfortable saying “I’m a photographer.” And better still “I’m a photographer. Here are my prices. Yes, I’m worth it.”

I’m trying to stay on top of keeping my house clean – by which I really mean clutter-free. Some days I do this better than others. Some days I feel no guilt about sitting back and taking pictures of the kids (see previous paragraph). But some days I feel like a lazy cow. No one’s complaining except me, but that’s bad enough.

I’m getting frustrated with it all and it’s not a good thing. Usually my response to frustration is to shut down totally. I’m trying not to do that.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Dear Spring…

I love you. I think you are the most beautiful season I’ve ever met. I mean that.


But your beauty has come at a cost this season. I know that we had a super wet/snowy winter followed by a sudden burst of warm spring air. I know you aren’t entirely to blame for the pollen levels. That bitch Winter has some answering to do for it too.

And yet, I find myself more disenchanted with you every day. Possibly because I’ve had a sinus headache since last Tuesday. I could cry. Actually, I have cried. I’m really stuck here, Spring. If I take allergy meds, I’m in a zombie fog with a minor headache. If I skip them, I’m in a zombie fog with a massive headache. I mean, I guess the obvious answer is B, but not being able to concentrate on anything. At all. Seriously frustrating.

Plus, my gorgeous new car that is the prettiest shade of red is now practically yellow. I hate the color yellow.

That is all.