Sunday, October 11, 2009

not feeling it...

and by it, I mean pretty much everything right now. I'm normally high in the middle of my fall creative period in a typical mid-October. But nothing is inspiring me. I'm in one of those "nothing I do turns out right, so I shouldn't bother doing anything" moods. I blame it on the failed quilting experiment. Which might only be due to my sucky sewing machine, but still. It didn't go well. And I don't even want to buy new craft supplies because I just waste them. I have an attic full of yarn and fabric and other crafty junk, and yet every time I want to start a new project I just go buy new stuff anyway. What's the point of buying stuff I'm not going to use?

My husband would be super proud of that statement. He doesn't really get why I need to have a stash of everything. It used to be that I would get a sudden inspiration while stuck at home with no car, so when I did get out I bought everything I might possibly need for the next burst of inspiration. But that was 5 years ago and I haven't been without a car or a craft store since. The need for a stash has been eliminated.

I also work on a reward system. If I actually create something and use from my stash, I allow myself to buy new stash/suppplies. Like right now, I'm digiscrapping all the time, so I allow myself to buy new kits. But I'm slowly knitting Tom's felted clogs, so no new yarn until they're finished (I've only had the yarn for these since March). And I've decided I can't sew until I get a new sewing machine (hello, Christmas list), so no fabric.

Right now I'm trying to get my house under control. We've finally got every last bit of stuff from the old house here and it just doesn't fit. So we've got crap everywhere. But on the good side, we have some extra money to buy shelves and other storage type stuff. I'm not a naturally organized person, but I'm hoping we can make some headway on the junk this fall. Starting with a real desk for me rather than an oversized end table that exactly fits my monitor and keyboard and mousepad. My kingdom for a desk...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Quiet lately...

I've been pretty quiet and introspective lately. I've also been in major avoidance mode - totally into mindless video games so I don't have free time to think. Because if I think then I have to think about my grandfather and realize that he's dying. And try not to completely break down. I'm already crying just typing that. I did the thing you're not supposed to do when you hear a diagnosis - I googled. The median survival rate for his type of cancer is 20 months.

I want to write more, but I just can't yet. I've always been very close to my grandparents. I've especially loved that my kids have been able to know their great-grandparents. My oldest three have known five great-grandparents, although two died when Susu was a baby so she has no memories of them at all.

The tree in front of my grandparents' house has a big split in it. It's not healthy and is going to be cut down. Healthy new saplings are being planted from it. I hate that this beautiful old tree is going to be gone. Just gone...