Monday, October 9, 2006

Babies all around me...

Another of my cousins is expecting a baby. That makes two. These things tend to happen in threes, especially in our family. So we're all looking around at who might be the third. Apparently, I'm the odds-on favorite. But I don't think my heart has quite gotten that memo. I'm still completely torn, utterly undecided about whether we want to have a fourth baby. I know that DH does, but he also knows that I do the lion's share of the work with our kids, especially when they're babies. Therefore he has wisely told me that if I decide we're done, we're done. I struggle with this decision frequently. Emotionally I know that we can handle a fourth baby. I have no worries there. It's the financial stuff that gets me. Should one decide their family status based on money alone? Because that's my only reason for saying no right now. We need a bigger house (our little three bedroom townhome will probably not withstand a fourth kid), we need more wiggle room in our bills. I don't know where I'm going with this, just trying to work it out for myself.

Actually, I've already made the decision, if I'm truly honest with myself. Just sitting here thinking about seeing families with four kids in the future and thinking that I could have done that but decided not to makes me realize how much I will regret NOT having another baby. Now, that doesn't mean the trying to conceive will begin anytime soon, just that my heart is figuring it out. Actually, my heart is figuring out to tell my head to butt out.

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