So it’s maybe been a while…

I looked at my last post date. It was in September. So what’s so freaking important that I haven’t posted since September? Well, I got a job. It’s not, like, saving the world or anything, but it suits me. In fact, I come up with new reasons it suits me more every day. I work three days a week, which is exactly the right amount for me right now. The Viv is in preschool, so I might pick up another day next year when she starts kindergarten. 

My New Year’s resolution was to stay off the computer so that I might be more product. So far I’m failing at that pretty miserably. It’s a work in progress. I picked my word for 2013. It’s Persevere. Why? I feel like I’m really on the right track on a lot of things, but I’m not there yet, so it’s a reminder to stay the course and not give up. My word for 2012, for the record, was leap. I thought it appropriate for a leap year, plus it was an encouragement to take risks and put myself out there.

While trying to get my feet under me with my new job and balancing housework, four kids and their activities, and my husband and his activities (he also started a new job as a high school band director, which is no small time commitment), basically all of my hobbies got dropped. I have a crocheting project that’s a massive WIP. I work on it in the car when I’m waiting for the bus or soccer practice to end. It’s a huge granny stripe afghan, which will hopefully be keeping us warm by 2015. At the rate I’m going, that’s a little optimistic.

I’ve taken only a very few photos lately – the obligatory Christmas shots and a rainbow on Monday. 

I’m feeling kind of down about that, but I’ve been coming to a bit of peace about that. I’m just not sure I am capable of being a professional photographer. I don’t really doubt my photography skills (well, sometimes), but I am not naturally a people person and I’m very shy about talking about my business. So I think I’m closing shop and taking photos for friends and family for fun again. I’m not sure yet how I feel about this in the long term, but for right now, I think this is the right thing.

I haven’t knit anything lately, but I did buy some yarn today to make a gift for my sister. I found this yarn that makes a cute scarf. I got it in a variegated purple and hopefully I can finish it in time for my sister to wear it this weekend for the Ravens game. She’s a major fan. Me, I like the Ravens – they’re my hometown team and I have a strong sense of place. Her? She freaking LOVES the Ravens.

Facing fear…

I recently applied for a couple of jobs that really seemed to suit my skills and interests. I wasn’t necessarily planning on going back to work right now, but the fact is we’ve been living on one pretty small income for ten years – hell, longer than that. We’ve never both worked full-time at any point during our marriage.

I had a phone interview yesterday. I thought it went really well. But now I’m faced with paralyzing fear. Like I can’t do anything right now. I know, in my logical portion of my brain, that I’m afraid of the changes this could bring. Plus, I like having time to design logos for the band boosters and websites for the church. I’m afraid that going to work full-time is going to mean letting go of those things.

But then I think of all the extras we’re going without and how much easier I could breathe when I needed to go to the grocery store.

Tom suggested I substitute at the school he works at. They have a shortage of reliable subs. I think, if this job I did the phone interview for doesn’t pan out, that I will strongly consider this. If I could bring in the extra money we need and only have to work one or two days a week, I think that would be the best of both worlds. But again. Scary.

Here’s a fear to face: I recently took some self-portraits. This one is the most “me.”

A Change would do you good...

I'm trying to make 2007 (or at least January) a new leaf - keeping my house less cluttered, keeping up with long-term household tasks, doing more fun things with the kids, being more patient with Tom and his workaholism. So far I'm doing really well with it all. In fact, I didn't even consciously decide that I was doing this until yesterday, when I noticed how I'd been making the bed every day - in the morning. See, I like getting into a made bed at night, but I don't usually like to make the bed as soon as I get up. So I'd make the bed at 10 and get in it right away. Kind of pointless. But since the Christmas break, I've been making it at least before Mr. T gets home from school. Weird.

I'm not normally the type for a New Year's resolution. If I want to change something about myself, I change it. I don't need a calendar page to force me to do it. Maybe it's just a reminder to people that you can be different. The year changes and so can you. I've just never felt like it was that big a thing. Change if you want to. Don't if you don't want to. Simple, right? And here I am with a New Year's resolution, even if I haven't officially called it that. I'm working out again (isn't January a great time for that? Holiday excesses are no longer an excuse for why my jeans are a little tighter. Get me to the treadmill), I'm trying to keep my house in "visitor readiness." You know? The state in which a visitor could come over at any moment and you wouldn't feel embarassed? It's the clutter that gets me. Dishes are usually done (lately, at least), and toys don't embarass me - I have three kids under 6, deal with the toys. But the clutter drives me nuts. But I'm working on it.