Is it too early for a New Year’s Resolution?

Normally, I’m not a fan of the Resolution. The very idea that I should only make positive changes in my life on January 1 sets me off. I can change any day of the year. Just because I start a new calendar doesn’t mean anything else is actually new. Except the year I write on checks. That always gets me until at least February.

I’ve made resolutions in the past, but mainly to say that I’ve made them. I don’t care if I keep them or not. But this year I just feel like I need a push. A gentle reminder to get up and live. It’s possible that I have some mild depression after my grandfather’s death. I acknowledge that. But I don’t really know what to do about it. I can feel that I’m not myself – I feel disconnected from my life. It could also be that I’ve been fighting a cold since about the same time as his funeral. Or both. You know, now that I mention it, both seems right.

Allow me to talk to myself while I figure out my goals for 2011.

1. This one is most important to me right now. Rediscover creative mojo. I need to make something. To that end, I will post a creative project either completed or in progress every Friday in January (and maybe some other months). I need to sew, digiscrap, take photos, etc.

2. Get photog business going. Keep motivation. I’m not quite sure yet how I’ll accomplish this one. To begin with, though, I will post one photo a week (day to be determined).

3. Establish/maintain order in my home and upgrade decor. I’m getting there, but I still need a push. So I’m thinking of posting one before and after per week – of something small. I’m not a huge household project undertaker right now.

4. Tie up loose ends.

5. Finish what I start.

6. Believe in myself.

Thanksgiving Baking…

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? It’s been an eventful past month for me. My grandfather, who had been ill for over a year, died after a five-day bedside vigil/living wake (if you knew my family, you would interpret that in a very positive way). I have much to say about him and the last days of his life and his entire life, but I’m not there yet.

Where I am is preparing my list for Thanksgiving baking. With my grandfather’s death and subsequent activities, I haven’t been home much until today. So this morning I started gathering my list of things I’m baking. My father-in-law has ordered two pumpkin pies. My mother-in-law offered Mrs. Smith’s. He said he wants Mrs. C’s – meaning mine. I always make a pumpkin roll for each of the houses on my visiting list. And then this year I desperately want to try this: Cranberry Shortbread Bars.

I love to try new baked goods and Thanksgiving is one of those times I can experiment. My family is huge and if everyone just takes one small helping, it’s gone. And if it goes fast, I know it was good. If it’s still sitting there, it’s off the list. I’m also not a fan of pumpkin items or pies, so finding something seasonally appropriate that I might like is a challenge. So I’m hoping the Cranberry Bars make the list.

Well, I leapt…

I have been planning to start a photography business for years. Between baby #4, moving and adjusting to a new area and my total lack of confidence, I’ve put it off. But something a friend said clicked for me last week. Our budget is tight. Completely without wiggle room. It sucks. If I can do something I love to make it a little looser, I think I need to.

On Monday, my mother-in-law left me an urgent message on my answering machine. She needed to discuss something with me. I’m thinking…crap. What now? Turns out she has been looking for a job (I knew that part), but found one for me instead. So her plan became instead of her applying for a job, I could and she would stay home with the Viv. Tom and I have been in favor of this plan since we moved here, so we’re not really opposed to it. But it would impact our life in so many little ways. Like my not getting home from work until 6, having to run out to lead Cub Scouts or Girl Scouts at 6:30, go to arts council meetings at 7. I would have to organize like crazy.

So instead I put myself out there as a photographer. So far only a few family members have taken me up on it, but they’re still different faces for my portfolio, so it’s a start.

Requiem for a cat…

We had to put our cat down on Tuesday. It was in some ways a difficult decision and in some ways the easiest decision of all. He was clearly suffering and yet it’s so hard to actually let go.

I was driving down the main road of our little town yesterday, watching the UPS truck stop at someone’s house, people walking to the only restaurant in town, cars being filled with gas. Our cat is no longer part of this world and yet it keeps going. How devastating and somehow hopeful that is.

How do you measure the life of a cat? He was a stray as a kitten, found wandering the streets of our college town. I went to the humane society to pick out a kitten. I picked a gray and white patched kitten for no other reason than he matched our other cat, a black and white patched cat. I took my then-boyfriend (now husband) to finalize the paperwork and this scrappy long-haired solid gray kitten wouldn’t leave him alone. Guess which cat we took home. We brought him home and he ate and ate and grew and grew.

We were two kids in love back then. Not married, not even engaged yet. One cat’s life later, we’re two adults approaching middle age, married for twelve years, parents of four. We’ve lived in four different homes in that time. What started as a dream with a cat to love has turned into a life.

We moved to the farm two years ago. Kitty didn’t like it. He’s been declining ever since. But in the past month, our once 20 pound cat dropped to 6 pounds. He could barely move or breathe. As heartwrenching as it was, we knew he was dying and there was nothing the vet could do about it.

The kids were initially very upset. I was a little surprised that my stoic son took it the hardest. He’s so much like me it’s kind of scary. I hate crying. My oldest daughter also took it very hard and is still getting upset at times. The five year old didn’t know what was going on, but knew that she should cry, so she cried louder and more hysterically than anyone.

Now they want a kitten. We told them we’ll discuss it in the spring. I’m not ready for a kitten. But it’s been a nice distraction for them to think about.

Unfortunately, all of this is making me think of how sick my grandfather is. How difficult it’s going to be to tell them when he dies. And how we can’t use talk of a new kitten to distract them from the fact that the world still exists without one of the most important men in my life in it.

A new hobby…

Of sorts. I’m trying to stretch our budget by couponing and using the extra coupons at places like Walgreen’s and CVS. So far I’m struggling. I keep spending out of pocket and am getting some rewards money, but not enough to keep me from having to put up some money each time I go in. It probably doesn’t help that I refuse to buy crap I don’t need, don’t know anyone who needs and have no place to donate to.

I’ve been trying Walgreen’s as my starter place. I’ve made five trips. Each trip cost me under $10 and I did get more stuff than that. But not enough to really keep my costs down so far. I have a great stash of body wash – considering I only use one every four months or so, the three sitting in my bathroom closet will last me through the school year. I paid $.99 for each.

Now I’m adding in CVS (both it and Walgreen’s are conveniently located for me, Rite Aid is not) to see if I can do better by shopping at both or if one works better for me.

I did have some success at the grocery store last week – my bill came to $113 and with my store card and coupons, I paid $68. I know a lot of couponers do better, but I feel like that was a good start.

My ultimate goal is to spend $300 biweekly for all my shopping trips. I tried it for the last two weeks and it did not work. But I had nothing in the freezer and really very little in the cabinet. Part of this is due to the change in seasons. In the summer, we grill and eat very light salads most of the time. Now that it’s a little cooler, I’m feeling like roast chicken and steamed veggies. So my pantry needed a change. Now that it’s made, I think everything will go better.

Mr. Soccer...

Here he is, Mr. Soccer Player (and Ralph the Dog).

He's never been interested in playing before this year, so I've got a nine year old playing soccer for the very first time. Do you know what he did about 10 minutes into the game? He picked up the ball. He's not the goalie. Rule #1 in soccer - don't pick up the ball! Oh, well. It wasn't a big deal in the end. His team was outplayed. If for no other reason than that they had only one sub, so basically all the kids played the entire game. The other team had a complete first and second string.

But he played and tried his best and I’m not asking for anything more than that. He’s always been so non-aggressive that he didn’t even want to sign up for soccer, so I consider this a huge step.

Christy’s Kit of the Week

My oldest has started playing soccer, so that’s the theme of my kit of the week. I bought the Soccer set by Erica Zwart at MScraps. At first I was only going to buy the red one, because I like reds. But I realized most of my photos have grass in them, so I bought the bundle.

I also have my eye on a new release kit at ScrapMatters called Kick It

Technorati Tags: digiscrap,kit of the week,soccer

by Chelle’s Creations. I’ll probably pick this up this week too.