not feeling it...

and by it, I mean pretty much everything right now. I'm normally high in the middle of my fall creative period in a typical mid-October. But nothing is inspiring me. I'm in one of those "nothing I do turns out right, so I shouldn't bother doing anything" moods. I blame it on the failed quilting experiment. Which might only be due to my sucky sewing machine, but still. It didn't go well. And I don't even want to buy new craft supplies because I just waste them. I have an attic full of yarn and fabric and other crafty junk, and yet every time I want to start a new project I just go buy new stuff anyway. What's the point of buying stuff I'm not going to use?

My husband would be super proud of that statement. He doesn't really get why I need to have a stash of everything. It used to be that I would get a sudden inspiration while stuck at home with no car, so when I did get out I bought everything I might possibly need for the next burst of inspiration. But that was 5 years ago and I haven't been without a car or a craft store since. The need for a stash has been eliminated.

I also work on a reward system. If I actually create something and use from my stash, I allow myself to buy new stash/suppplies. Like right now, I'm digiscrapping all the time, so I allow myself to buy new kits. But I'm slowly knitting Tom's felted clogs, so no new yarn until they're finished (I've only had the yarn for these since March). And I've decided I can't sew until I get a new sewing machine (hello, Christmas list), so no fabric.

Right now I'm trying to get my house under control. We've finally got every last bit of stuff from the old house here and it just doesn't fit. So we've got crap everywhere. But on the good side, we have some extra money to buy shelves and other storage type stuff. I'm not a naturally organized person, but I'm hoping we can make some headway on the junk this fall. Starting with a real desk for me rather than an oversized end table that exactly fits my monitor and keyboard and mousepad. My kingdom for a desk...

Quiet lately...

I've been pretty quiet and introspective lately. I've also been in major avoidance mode - totally into mindless video games so I don't have free time to think. Because if I think then I have to think about my grandfather and realize that he's dying. And try not to completely break down. I'm already crying just typing that. I did the thing you're not supposed to do when you hear a diagnosis - I googled. The median survival rate for his type of cancer is 20 months.

I want to write more, but I just can't yet. I've always been very close to my grandparents. I've especially loved that my kids have been able to know their great-grandparents. My oldest three have known five great-grandparents, although two died when Susu was a baby so she has no memories of them at all.

The tree in front of my grandparents' house has a big split in it. It's not healthy and is going to be cut down. Healthy new saplings are being planted from it. I hate that this beautiful old tree is going to be gone. Just gone...

Seriously annoyed...

At an inanimate object. My sewing machine. I think it's dead/dying. I could probably send it in for repairs, but I'm pretty sure the cost of repair would at least equal the thing's value. If I were a car insurance company, I would total it based on that figure. Sewing is an absolute chore, which sucks because besides testing out how I like quilting (which so far is about a 7 of 10 - don't love the prep of cutting, but loving my finished quilt top), I have at least one Halloween costume to make. The boy has chosen Optimus Prime, which we're going to fashion out of stuff we have. Miss G wants to be Supergirl, which we don't have and I haven't seen in stores (haven't looked online yet, though). Miss S wants to be Snow White. No, Cinderella. No, Snow White. Lucky for her, we have gorgeous dress-up dresses for each, so she doesn't have to decide until Halloween.

But I'm going to sew the Supergirl costume (Baby is undecided - by me, that is - so I might stick her in something the other girls wore, or make her something. Not sure yet). And if my machine is as annoying as it was yesterday, I'm going to scream.

My experiments...

I conducted two experiments (although I'm sure they wouldn't hold up to scrutiny, being minus a control group on at least the second) today.

The first one involved laundry. I have a sensitive-skinned bunch, so I normally use scent-free, dye-free detergent. But something in the water or the washer at our new (to us, really quite, quite old) house leaves the clothes smelling funky no matter how quickly I get them from washer to dryer. I've tried scented detergents for Tom's clothes. It helped a little. Today I tried vinegar in my rinse cycle. Nothing came out of the dryer smelling like pickles, so it's already better than I feared. As to how fresh-smelling, they were okay. I think the concern is long-term. If we don't wear something right away, it smells. I have to assume it's the water here (we're on a well, don't know if that would matter - I'm a city girl living in the country - this is all new to me).

Final results on the laundry experiment (which did have a control group - one wash in free and clear with vinegar, one in scented with vinegar, one in free and clear sans vinegar and one scented sans vinegar) will be determined sometime next week.

My other experiment was chocolate. Yes, I've had chocolate before. I'm practically an expert on chocolate. But I've been trying to lose weight and working my butt and I've been so good about not snacking or having too many sweets (after about a two-week weaning period). Today I tried a handful of M&M's and...freak, they're what's missing in my life. I could have finished the LARGE sized bag. But I showed restraint and put them away.

So the results of that experiment show I can actually eat a little bit of chocolate. My hypothesis (that I would eat the whole bag but was extremely on edge and didn't give a crap) was wrong.

chaos...

everything's kind of crazy at Casa Christy right now. We've finally sold our old, which is good. But we settle in 6 days and I still have the inspection repairs to get finalized. It should all be done by this time Monday, but for now, I'm going crazy with worry and keeping which repairman is coming when.

DH and I are the leaders of the Bear Scouts for our oldest this year. I've got the year pretty well set up, but getting everything together every Tuesday is making my brain crazy.

I'm also the co-leader of my oldest girls' Daisy troop. But I'm not really in charge there and it's making me a little crazy. I'd like to get the year set up the way I have the Bear year set up (weekly lesson plans, complete with what materials I need and minor homework assignments - sort of reconsidering my longtime statement that I never want to be a teacher).

My house is a bigger wreck than usual - I've been sick since we got back from our busy, busy weekend last week. I've gotten next to nothing done. I need to get up and fold the laundry, but, well, tomorrow's football day, so that's my plan for watching a few games and chilling out on the sofa.

Like I need a hole in the head...

That's how I need another hobby. Seriously. But I'm thinking of taking up quilting. Last time I considered a new hobby it was jewelry-making/beading. It lasted for a month. It just wasn't me. I still have all the stuff for it. I already like to sew, so this could be something I like. But making a dozen rag quilts last Christmas didn't go so well. I still have...um, all but one. Three are finished, but they go to siblings and I felt weird giving two of the siblings their quilts, but not the third (whose quilt remains unfinished to this day).

I love to read hobby blogs and so many of the quilting blogs I read are just gorgeous. I get obsessed with stuff like this. I read and read and shop and shop (window-shop, that is). I think I'm obsessed with the couch to 5k stuff too. I'm still doing it, which is good. But I'm getting frustrated that I haven't lost weight yet. I don't know. I guess I just need to be patient. I definitely feel stronger and healthier, which is probably more important right now.

Desperately seeking routine...

Well, actually, I'm not that good with routine. I prefer to have a frameworkroutine with mix and match parts. I need to get into some sort of routine now that school's started, especially once Miss S goes to preschool next week.

I"m really overwhelmed by the clutter in my house right now. I just have stuff. And no place to put it. And at least half of the stuff is not mine. Which means it's either kid stuff (which I do take responsibility for, at least somewhat) or Tom's stuff (which I try not to touch so I don't have to answer the "where did you put..." questions). I just don't know where to begin.

It's come to my attention lately that I'm a perfectionist. And I hate the idea of failure. So if I think something's not going to be perfect, I generally don't try or at least only half-heartedly.

My goals for September - declutter, establish a cleaning routine, one digital page/day, complete one knitting project, get organized for Christmas (list-making). I'm sure more will follow. Something that I shouldn't do, but probably will sometime this fall is try my hand at quilting. I don't know if I have the patience/perfectionism for it, but as I get older all that stuff is easier.